


My Final Love

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-09-07
Updated: 2005-09-07
Packaged: 2019-05-15 04:48:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14783852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: After Abbey's sudden death, Jed has to cope without her and finish his Presidency.





	1. My Final Love

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**My Final Love**

**by:** Babyphd 

**Character(s):** Jed, Abbey, Leo, Liz  
**Pairing(s):** Jed/Abbey  
**Category(s):** Angst  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** Sorkin et al own these characters. I'm just writing about them.  
**Summary:** After Abbey's sudden death, Jed has to cope without her and finish his Presidency.  
**Feedback:** Welcomed  
**Author's Note:** Leo is still Chief of Staff 

**Chapter 1**

"I miss her already, Dad." 

"Yeah." 

"Are you going to be okay?" Liz was asking. She had come up behind him on the porch and put her arms around him. 

"Yeah." 

His voice was as far away as his mind. 

"Dad?" She moved to sit in front of him. 

But Jed didn't hear her. His mind was too busy thinking of this past week. His thoughts were jumbled, just like his emotions. 

> Abbey complaining that she didn't feel good, but brushing it off as a muscle strain. Then waking up one morning to find her gone. The doctor said massive heart attack. The doctor said it was instanteously. The doctor said she didn't suffer. 
> 
> To hell with the doctor! Abbey was a doctor. Didn't she have any warning? Surely she did. Then why didn't she tell someone? Why didn't she tell me? I would have gotten some help. 
> 
> Then, having to call the girls and tell them that their mother was dead. For each one it was total devastation. Well, hell, it was for me too. But I kept myself together. Somebody had to. People had to be told. Arrangements had to be made. 
> 
> The flight home was difficult. Zoey and Ellie never quit crying. The Senior Staff looked as if they had lost their best friend. They had. I had. I stayed in the bedroom, remembering. Remembering Abbey. 
> 
> The service was beautiful. The priest gave a prayer that really captured Abbey. Millie and Leo gave incredibly sensitive and heart warming eulogies. Abbey was loved by many. I loved her. 
> 
> We had a small group of people come back to the farmhouse. The house where so many memories were made. Where so many memories still were. Our friends mean well, but why don't they go home? I need time. I need Abbey. 

Jed pulled back from his thoughts to concentrate on what Liz was saying. 

"Dad, are you listening to me?" 

"What did you say?" 

"I said, do you want me and Zoey to stay here tonight?" 

"No, hon. I need some time here alone before I head back to Washington tomorrow." 

"Dad, you really shouldn't be alone tonight." 

He leaned forward and kissed Liz gently on the forehead. 

"That's sweet of you. But I'll be fine. Please, take Zoey back to your house. Ellie left a little while ago. Some urgent research she had to check on." 

Jed looked into his oldest daughter's eyes. Shaped just like her mother's. But none of the girls had gotten those deep, emerald green eyes of Abbey. Eyes he would never see again. 

"Dad, I said, will you be okay?" Liz knew where his mind was. 

"Yes. Now go on. And would you ask Leo to take the staff back to town as well? I just want to be alone." 

"Okay." Liz got up and gave her father a hug. She saw the deep sadness in those sharp blue eyes. She only hoped one day to see them twinkle again. 

********** 


	2. My Final Love 2

**My Final Love**

**by:** Babyphd 

**Character(s):** Jed, Abbey, Leo, Liz  
**Pairing(s):** Jed/Abbey  
**Category(s):** Angst  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** Sorkin et al own these characters. I'm just writing about them.  
**Summary:** After Abbey's sudden death, Jed has to cope without her and finish his Presidency.  
**Feedback:** Welcomed  
**Author's Note:** Leo is still Chief of Staff 

* * *

**Chapter 2**

Jed knew he wouldn't sleep. That's why he didn't want anybody there to check on him. Wandering through the house. Everywhere he turned he saw Abbey. 

Jed's thoughts flooded his brain. 

> Her diplomas. How proud she was to be a doctor. But being a doctor didn't help at the time she needed it most. 
> 
> Happy times with the children. Various ages and experiences reflected in pictures placed all over house. Pictures of Ellie at two in her Halloween costume. Liz and her dog, Spot. Real creative daughters he had. 

A weak smile crossed his face. 

He picked up a picture of Zoey being held by Liz with Ellie looking at the new baby in amazement. Jed smiled. Abbey had had a hard time explaining to Ellie that she was the big sister now and no longer the baby. Jed silently laughed as he remembered her Ellie's response "Take her back". He had left it to Abbey to explain why they couldn't. Abbey had done a lot of the explaining to the children over the years. 

The hardest part was to walk through their bedroom. Abbey's scent was everywhere. On the towels. On the sheets. On his clothes. It was a unique scent-vanilla with just a touch of Jungle Gardenia. Jed inhaled deeply and closed his eyes. He could almost see her, touch her… 

'I have to quit thinking about her. She's gone! Get control. And she won't be back.' 

As the sun rose over the farm, Jed found himself again on the porch. 

From his pocket he pulled out Abbey's rings that he had been given at the funeral home. The sunlight reflected off the stones. He reflected on the time he had surprised her with them. 

It was their twentieth anniversary. Her original engagement ring had not been very big. He couldn't afford much at the time of their wedding. So when he could, he replaced them. This time they truly reflected the love he had for her. Abbey had been speechless. One of the few times she was. They had brought her happiness though. Now they only brought him sadness. 

Rocking and remembering. 

The quiet conversations. The arguments. And the making up afterwards. 

'Did God know how much he missed her?' 

******************* 


	3. My Final Love 3

**My Final Love**

**by:** Babyphd 

**Character(s):** Jed, Abbey, Leo, Liz  
**Pairing(s):** Jed/Abbey  
**Category(s):** Angst  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** Sorkin et al own these characters. I'm just writing about them.  
**Summary:** After Abbey's sudden death, Jed has to cope without her and finish his Presidency.  
**Feedback:** Welcomed  
**Author's Note:** Leo is still Chief of Staff 

* * *

**Chapter 3**

But he was still President. He had responsibilities to the country for the next six months. He had to get control and make it through. Grieving could be left until January 21st. Then he would come back to the farm and decide what to do. 

He and Abbey had talked about the future many times, especially during the last year. Plans were made to travel together, to vacation together, just to be together. Now there was only one person left to do the things they were supposed to do together. 

***** 

The flight back to Washington was quiet. Leo tried to talk to Jed, but he was still lost in his thoughts. Lost in his memories. 

The Senior Staff took Leo's lead and left the President alone. 

Upon arrival, Jed went directly to the Oval Office to catch up on work. He worked continuously until ten when Leo came in to tell him to go to bed. 

"I can't sleep, Leo. Everywhere I look there's Abbey. She died in our bed. I can't stand that thought." 

"You have got to get some sleep. Do you want me to call the doctor?" 

Jed looked down at his papers. "Yeah. Call the doctor. I've got to get some sleep." 

Leo called and made arrangements for Dr. Hackett to meet the President upstairs. 

"Do you want me to go with you?" 

"Thanks, but no. I know you're concerned and I appreciate that, but I have to do this by myself." 

"Call me Jed, anytime." 

"Yeah." Jed stood up, walked two steps and then fainted. 

***** 

"Mr. President. Mr. President, can you hear me?" 

Jed opened his eyes to see a very concerned physician looking at him. Over his shoulder, Leo was frowning. 

"What happened?" 

"You fainted. Between the lack of sleep, not eating, and the stress I'm not surprised." 

Jed sat up as soon as he realized he was on the sofa in the Oval Office. 

Jed thought, 'Well, that must have been a pretty sight. The President sprawled out on the Seal of the United States.' 

"I'm fine." 

"Sir, your blood pressure is coming back up. But you need some fluids and some food." 

"Well, I'm not going to any hospital. And Abbey can take care…" Jed stopped as he realized what he had just said. A sad realization settled on him. Abbey couldn't take care of him. Not anymore. 

"I'll be fine." Jed moved his feet to the floor and stood up. "I'm going to the Residence. And doc, if you still want to give me that sleeping pill, I'll take it." 

Dr. Hackett and Leo exchanged concerned glances. 

"Fellas, I'm okay. I promise I'll eat something. Will that make both of you happy?" 

Leo decided not to push. "Okay. But call me if you need anything." 

"Okay, mom." Jed gave a small smile. "I promise." 

Leo's heart was lifted momentarily by the faint smile on his best friend's face. 

Jed turned and left the Oval. Dr. Hackett gathered his equipment and followed. 

Leo went back to his office. He decided to spend the night on his sofa. 

Just in case Jed needed a friend tonight. 

***** 


	4. My Final Love 4

**My Final Love**

**by:** Babyphd 

**Character(s):** Jed, Abbey, Leo, Liz  
**Pairing(s):** Jed/Abbey  
**Category(s):** Angst  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** Sorkin et al own these characters. I'm just writing about them.  
**Summary:** After Abbey's sudden death, Jed has to cope without her and finish his Presidency.  
**Feedback:** Welcomed  
**Author's Note:** Leo is still Chief of Staff 

* * *

**Chapter 4**

'Ring' 'Ring' 

The phone was ringing in Leo's dream. 

He slowly realized that it was not in his dreams. The phone was ringing in his office. 

"McGarry." Leo glanced at the clock. Four am. 

"Leo, I need you." 

"I'll be right there." 

A few minutes later, Leo was sitting on the sofa in the private study while the President settled in his large leather chair. Jed just stared at the fire for a few minutes. Leo knew he would talk when he was ready. 

"Have I told you about that last time we were together? The night it happened?" 

"No." 

"We had done some talking about the future, our future after we left here. Then we made love. Gentle, slow. The best kind. We fell asleep in each other's arms. But sometime during the night she must have rolled out of my arms because the next morning she was flat on her back. I went to wake her up, and she was cold." 

Jed gasped as he remembered that horrible moment. "God, I'll never forget that. Abbey was cold." 

Leo shuddered as he pictured the horror of Jed finding Abbey dead. But he knew Jed was not yet finished. 

"After the doctor had pronounced her and she was taken away, I had to call the girls. I had to tell each of them that their mother was dead. That she had died during the night from a massive heart attack. It was almost the hardest thing I have ever had to do. The hardest thing was to close the casket in the funeral home and know that I would never see her face ever again. The face that I had watched through so many years. The face that I fell in love with so very long ago." 

For a few minutes, there was silence in the room. Both men stared in the fire. 

Then Jed spoke again. 

"I can't go on. I'm so alone. She was my whole life." 

"Jed, you have reasons to continue." 

Jed looked at Leo with his tear-stained face. His grief was reflected in the fire. 

"First reason is the girls you and Abbey brought into this world. They need their father more than ever. Then the country still needs its President. You love this country with all your heart and you have six more months to make a difference. Finally, you have your faith. Faith that you and her will be together again. When your time comes and not before." 

"But I can't go on without her. She made me complete. She was my reason for living. For getting up every morning and seeing what the day brings so I could share it with her." 

Leo didn't have an answer. He knew Jed was speaking from his very soul. He had watched Jed's and Abbey's relationship blossom from a brief encounter to the deepest love two people could have for each other. 

Leo changed the subject. "Have you gotten any sleep?" 

"Not much. I can't sleep in our bed. Too many memories. Many pleasant memories, but also the most horrible one at all. She died there, Leo. She died there. So I think I slept a couple of hours here in the chair." 

"Do you want me to get you a new bed?" 

Jed looked at Leo. He knew his best friend meant well. He shook his head no. 

"I'll ask the Residence staff to change beds with one of the guest rooms. I know I have to get used to sleeping again. I can't sleep in that bed, but I'm not ready to give it up yet. Maybe changing beds will help." 

"Good. Do you want some breakfast? I'll order you some." 

"Thanks. I'll go get a shower and will be back here in a few minutes. And Leo ..." 

"Yeah?" 

"Thanks." 

************** 


	5. My Final Love 5

**My Final Love**

**by:** Babyphd 

**Character(s):** Jed, Abbey, Leo, Liz  
**Pairing(s):** Jed/Abbey  
**Category(s):** Angst  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** Sorkin et al own these characters. I'm just writing about them.  
**Summary:** After Abbey's sudden death, Jed has to cope without her and finish his Presidency.  
**Feedback:** Welcomed  
**Author's Note:** Leo is still Chief of Staff 

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Days had passed since Jed's return from Manchester. Liz and Ellie called every night and Zoey had dropped by the Oval Office one afternoon. As much as they were grieving, they knew their dad was hurting much more. 

"Dad, do you want us to put Mom's stuff away? It's got to be hard to be around it." 

"Thanks, Liz. But I'm not ready. It hasn't even been two weeks yet. I'll let you know when it's time." 

"Okay, dad. We're all concerned about you." 

"Thanks. I love you so much. Got to go. Bye." 

They all meant well, but Jed would have to do this his way. 

That night, he was in the bathroom in the Residence looking for a cufflink. A State Dinner had been scheduled months ago with the President of Russia and Jed refused to cancel it. Business still had to be completed. 

He opened a drawer and saw Abbey's reading glasses. He picked them up and turned them over in his hand. Although this was not the first item of Abbey's he had found, it was the first item that brought back such strong memories. 

Memories of those many long nights with her reading some medical journal or book, or reading to the girls stories about fairies and prince charmings. 

Lost in his memories, he didn't hear Curtis come in. 

"Mr. President, you're late." 

Jed looked up with tears on his face. 

"Mr. President, can I help?" 

"No, Curtis, nobody can help. I'll be right out." 

"Yes, sir." Curtis quietly closed the door on his way out. 

To himself, Jed repeated, "Nobody can help." 

But he had business to complete. He stood up, wiped his face, and went to conduct that business. 

***** *************** 


	6. My Final Love 6

**My Final Love**

**by:** Babyphd 

**Character(s):** Jed, Abbey, Leo, Liz  
**Pairing(s):** Jed/Abbey  
**Category(s):** Angst  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** Sorkin et al own these characters. I'm just writing about them.  
**Summary:** After Abbey's sudden death, Jed has to cope without her and finish his Presidency.  
**Feedback:** Welcomed  
**Author's Note:** Leo is still Chief of Staff 

* * *

**Chapter 6**

For the next few weeks and months, there didn't seem to be anything that didn't trigger a memory. The pictures on his desk. The albums in the study. Her personal items in the bathroom. The medical journals stacked by the side of the bed. Her clothes. Her jewelry. Jed insisted that everything remain as it was. He needed more time. 

Jed moved through life in a lifeless state of mind. Although he was sleeping now, it was restless and full of dreams. Dreams of Abbey, of him and Abbey, and of that fateful morning when she left him. He tried to eat, but nothing tasted good. 

But he did continue running the country. The only way he could. He imagined Abbey standing in the Oval Office, giving him hell if he allowed her death to ruin his last six months in office. 

He imagined her yelling at him. 'Josiah Edward Bartlet, you're the President and you have to act like one. Quit pitying yourself and get the job done.' 

Jed passed legislation that funded more research for heart disease. He persuaded Congress to give extra money to those children's causes Abbey had held dear. In that way, he would still honor her role as First Lady and all that she had accomplished in the seven years in the White House. 

The holidays were especially rough. July the Fourth and Labor Day, when the whole family and Senior Staff would have normally gathered at the farm, went by with barely a notice. Thanksgiving was tough. Liz had insisted that the family come to her house. Jed had not been back to the farm since Abbey's death and still couldn't bear the thought of being in their house by himself. 

With Christmas approaching, Jed knew that the holiday was going to be impossible. 

So he made a call. 

************** 


	7. My Final Love 7

**My Final Love**

**by:** Babyphd 

**Character(s):** Jed, Abbey, Leo, Liz  
**Pairing(s):** Jed/Abbey  
**Category(s):** Angst  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** Sorkin et al own these characters. I'm just writing about them.  
**Summary:** After Abbey's sudden death, Jed has to cope without her and finish his Presidency.  
**Feedback:** Welcomed  
**Author's Note:** Leo is still Chief of Staff 

* * *

**Chapter 7**

"Stanley, I'm glad you could come." 

"Yes, Mr. President. But my specialty, as you know, is not grief counseling." 

"Stanley, I think we've been through this before. You were a psychiatrist first and then you specialized. Just like Abbey…" Jed paused as he remembered, remembering his wife's medical expertise. 

"Yes, sir. How can I help?" 

Jed relived the past five months. Everything. From their last night together to the days on end where he felt nothing. No spark. No love. Only grief. 

Stanley listened. He felt that this was the first time that the President had told anyone everything he was feeling. First, he had to get his feelings out and visible. Hidden feelings could be a person's downfall. 

Occasionally, Stanley would ask for a bit of clarification of some point or another, but basically he just listened. 

"Mr. President, why did you call me now? You've had these feelings for a while. What triggered your call?" 

Jed looked at him with a bit of surprise. 

"I don't know. I guess because Christmas is coming and it was one of her favorite holidays. It could be because in just six weeks, I'll no longer be President and will have to face up to the fact that I'll have to go back to Manchester alone. I really haven't thought about it. Just one day, I picked up the phone and called." 

"How do you feel right now?" 

"Calm. I guess that's the right word." 

"Sir, you've taken the first step. Now, let's really talk." 

For three more hours, Jed and Stanley talked about many things. Abbey, his guilt over not being able to help her that final night, and the regret of him not having her by his side for the final stage of their lives. The stage that they both had earned, but only he would now reap the rewards. 

"Sir, I think we need to continue this tomorrow. Do you have some more time?" 

"I'll make the time, Stanley. I'll arrange for a hotel room for you. See you tomorrow." 

Jed rose from the chair and turned to shake Stanley's hand. 

"Yes, sir. Goodbye." 

"And Stanley?" 

"Yes?" 

"You have helped a great deal." 

"Thank you, sir." 

*********** 


	8. My Final Love 8

**My Final Love**

**by:** Babyphd 

**Character(s):** Jed, Abbey, Leo, Liz  
**Pairing(s):** Jed/Abbey  
**Category(s):** Angst  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** Sorkin et al own these characters. I'm just writing about them.  
**Summary:** After Abbey's sudden death, Jed has to cope without her and finish his Presidency.  
**Feedback:** Welcomed  
**Author's Note:** Leo is still Chief of Staff 

* * *

**Chapter 8**

After Stanley left, Jed returned to the bedroom. 

For the first time in months, he glanced around and saw the beautiful touches of Abbey. He walked around the room, picking up selected items of hers, of theirs. He was able to remember without tears, for the first time in months. A serenity had appeared for which he was grateful. 

After getting ready for bed, he put on his robe and went to the guest bedroom where their bed had been placed. 

He touched the bedspread, the one she had picked out when they moved to the White House. He smiled as he remembered her saying that she didn't care for it, but no President should be sleeping under a flowered spread. 

He pulled back the covers and took a pillow in his hand. Although slightly musty, the pillow case still smelled of her. Her scent was still there after these many months. He lay down and buried his face in the pillow. He was soon sound asleep, this time dreaming of Abbey and him, kissing, holding hands and, making love. 

***** 

"Mr. President, wake up. You're late." 

Jed finally realized that Leo was shaking him. 

Then he realized where he was. 

"You didn't answer your wake-up call and when Curtis found you in here, he thought maybe I should be the one to wake you. Are you okay?" 

A smile crossed Jed's face as Leo struggled to understand. 

"Better than I've been in months. Leo, she's okay and so am I." 

"That's great Jed, but what the hell are you talking about? 

Jed and Leo had crossed into the big bedroom and Jed sat down on the sofa in the sitting area. 

"Abbey's okay. I talked with Stanley for quite a while yesterday and then I came in here. A sense of peace came over me for the first time in five months and I could touch Abbey's things without being so upset. Then, I went to the other bedroom and before I knew it, I was asleep. Solid sleep for the first time in months. And in my dreams, Abbey and I were having fun. Fun, Leo. The type of fun we used to have. She's okay. That was her way of telling me she's fine. But until now, my pain wouldn't let her message through." 

"Yes, sir." Leo's eyes were getting moister by the minute. The tears started to fall when he looked at his best friend's face, already covered by tears. 

Leo knew then that Jed would be okay. 

***** 


	9. My Final Love 9

**My Final Love**

**by:** Babyphd 

**Character(s):** Jed, Abbey, Leo, Liz  
**Pairing(s):** Jed/Abbey  
**Category(s):** Angst  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Disclaimer:** Sorkin et al own these characters. I'm just writing about them.  
**Summary:** After Abbey's sudden death, Jed has to cope without her and finish his Presidency.  
**Feedback:** Welcomed  
**Author's Note:** Leo is still Chief of Staff 

* * *

**Chapter 9**

Christmas Day was spent at the farm. The girls had decorated the house so when Jed arrived it was bright and glowing with the holiday spirit. 

After all the presents were opened, Jed pulled out some hidden gifts. 

With a twinkle and moistness in his eyes, he gave each one a package and told them that the gifts were from Abbey and him. Before the packages were even opened, the girls started to cry. It was an emotional time. 

Liz opened her package first. She ran her fingers over the cotton and lace Bartlet christening gown that had been used for all of the girls and the grandchildren. It still had the stain where Gus spit up during his christening. 

Ellie's package contained her mother's medical bag and all of the contents. She pulled out Abbey's stethoscope and lovingly ran her fingers over the AAB engraved in the metal. 

Zoey opened her package last. It was smaller than the rest of them, so she was curious as to what it contained. 

As her eyes fell upon the contents, Zoey raised her face, looked at her father, and said, "Are you sure?" 

Jed nodded. With much effort, he said, "Yes." His emotions were already running high. 

Zoey picked up the item and walked over to her father. "Dad, will you please put this on?" 

"Of course, baby. From your mother to you." 

Jed slowly placed Abbey's original engagement ring on Zoey's finger. "Your mom wanted to give this to whomever you were going to marry, but instead I'm giving this to you now." 

Looking at all of them he said, "So you will always remember just how special your mother was." 

They all hugged, tears pouring off their faces. 

The twinkle had returned to their lives. 

THE END 


End file.
